Thus far, 2013 has flown by. I think sleeping a lot has to do with that, plus the constant feeling of déjà vu every day due to my allergy shots schedule — four days a week, each week. I still have yet to get into therapy due to Cigna no longer allowing me on the site[1. Seriously. I’ve tried everything. I just keep being told, “Sorry, you do not have the permissions to login.”], so I need to get with my dad so that he can help me figure it out. I do know of one that I found (and like), though. She has so many disorders and such listed, and her experience background and skills are nice as well. However, I do not want to be lectured on this. 🙁 Seriously.
My tics have been acting up. I’ve been a lot more stressed lately, and a lot of people have been counting on me since I released Flight for download. It sucks, because although it’s been really helpful to a lot of people, I didn’t think about the bunch of people who decide to use it that aren’t as familiar with PHP. So what started out as an awesome hack turned into a hack that just gives me a freaking headache. And I need to put together an update for it. I also started working on Zest, a new TCG. Capture opened up recently and it quite low-maintenance since updates are biweekly. I’m getting annoyed with Spree again. I guess the downside to Spree is that I am not a fan of shopping and it’s really getting to me. I don’t have as much enthusiasm as I once did about it.
When I paid less attention to TCGs and just focused on running my one TCG, I spent more time blogging, on 6birds, and returning comments. I wasn’t as stressed, because I put more time into writing posts that day rather than writing drafts and saving them for later. The bad thing about writing up drafts is that I can’t exactly save a draft about what I did today and save it for later. I’d have to use past tense in a way that it didn’t include “today”, “yesterday”, “last week”, etc., since I’d have no real clue on when I would post said draft. The bad thing about writing up posts and scheduling them is that they either need to be in the future and/or written in a way that makes it okay for it to be published at that particular date.
It makes blogging complicated. Unless they’re general posts I’m writing and scheduling and saving, they don’t exactly save a purpose.
And because I have been posting my drafts and letting my scheduled posts go, I’ve not really had much time for comments and things — something I used to love to do.
There’s something about this time of the year that puts me into a funk and makes me feel like complete shit. In November and December, I feel as though I am able to do the most. However, it’s Christmastime, and I’m a bit[2. Understatement.] of a Grinch. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened to me during that year especially and my PTSD is causing my brain to keep thinking I’m in that scene or if it’s something deeper. I know I need help. I know this. I’m really sick and tired of people telling me that I fucking know I do.
I’m just venting.
I miss blogging my thoughts out. It kept me sane, and now it’s like I’m going back to last year — the feeling, the mood, but thankfully not the actions.
By the way things are going currently and with my inability to drive due to my PTSD and depression, Toto (my truck)[3. If you’re into cars, it’s a 1994 GMC Jimmy Two-Door that has been highly customized. Instead of my milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard, my truck does. It’s a guy magnet to any guy who knows his cars. There is not at all any like it anywhere else.] is technically in the process of being leased to my younger cousin, Morgan (Bri’s oldest younger sister). It would make it more convenient for them because she needs a way to get around places, and they wouldn’t have to format their schedules around hers. I say “in the process” because her dad/my uncle is looking into the legal stuff about it. It would put some money into my pocket (like for my phone, etc.) as well as make it more convenient for them.
It’s basically a win-win situation. Plus, the gas mileage is awesome on it, so Morgan wouldn’t have to fill up as much.