Lately I’ve been considering deactivating my Facebook, deleting my Twitter, deleting my email accounts, removing myself from all message board communities – anything to get away from social media. I feel too connected. I feel like I have plastered my name to however many Internet billboards I can freaking plaster myself to. Unfortunately, deactivating my stupid Facebook would create too much drama, my Twitter account is attached to many website applications I love and/or use, I need my email accounts for various things, and some message board communities I need to stay on (like the TCG stuff).
Maybe I need to read a book (I recently purchased two new books), watch that those two movies I bought (still, with The Princess Bride, ugh) or maybe even go shopping for some new clothes (I hate shopping, but last time it worked). This whole having to move thing might actually help me as far as cleaning out all my old junk goes. I’m gonna be selling some of my crap on eBay (because it’s probably never been used and/or I don’t know how else to get rid of it).
Maybe it’s because my current immediate family has literally turned me into this emotional wreck, and I keep talking about feelings – and let’s just say ihateit.
Wanna know a secret? I don’t like it when people know me too well because it makes me feel weak. Talking about my feelings and thoughts and emotions and being emotional makes me feel weak and like I am weak, and I just can’t be weak. This whole uncensored boat was a mistake and piece of crap, because I like staying to myself. I don’t enjoy getting all emotional and whatnot. I don’t want you to know me too well, even though I blog. I don’t want to feel too connected to you. It shouldn’t be taken rudely and/or as an insult, but I don’t want you – or anyone, really – to see my flaws.
I’m not saying I don’t have them, but I have gotten way too mushy gushy for my liking, and it is disgusting me.
I got put back on birth control a month ago to control my cysts. So far, I’m having cravings (for chocolate, seriously? EW.), nausea, sleeping troubles (I’m sure the energy drink mix I have been drinking without thinking[1. To be honest, I thought it was just an advertising thing on the dang package, and it turns out it wasn’t…] hasn’t at all been helping) and acne (not so much on my face, but on my shoulders, shoulder blades, etc.). I don’t know if sneezing counts as a side effect or not, but after I take it, I’m constantly sneezing for like two hours, and then throughout the day. I haven’t even been around flowers or anything, and it’s quite annoying.
Onto other news, I’m looking for a pen pal to write snail mail letters to consistently. I had one in the armed forces, but we lost touch (to put it nicely), and I worry too much to actually contact anyone who knows (or knew…) him to actually ask whether he is okay.